Dumpster Diving
by CJSpooks
Summary: A short story with Goren, Eames, and...a dirty dumpster. Chapter 2
1. Dumpster Diving

Okay…I had this idea awhile ago. But, being me…I didn't have the time or sense to type it out until now. (Bad me!) Anyway, here is a short with Goren and Eames…and Dumpster diving. 

"Dumpster diving" (or "Garbage Pull") is when law enforcement officials take it upon themselves to look through a person's garbage or trash receptacle for remnants of potential evidence. 

[In Laymen's terms: They become known as garbage pickers! It's really gross.] 

A line said by Goren in the episode, "Malignant", inspired this story. He said, "You see, we did a little Dumpster diving…It's pretty nasty." 

(Though, this story is not from this episode.)

Whatever, you probably passed up this whole thing…no one likes to read boring notes typed up by the author unless it is important. Please review and tell me what you think. 

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Dumpster Diving

By CJSpooks (I'm a Spaz) 

Eames parked the SUV at the curb. She glanced over at her partner. He seemed ready for the horrible task that await them. Eames silently wished that it wasn't going to get ugly. Also, she wished she had brought goggles, gloves, and a different outfit … 

The two detectives exited the vehicle and walked straight into the alley. There stood several garbage cans and dumpsters almost as tall as Eames herself. Eames frowned and her nose wrinkled a bit at the stench. It smelled like…shit, literally. Goren didn't seemed even a bit phased by the grossness of all the elements. It was a hot day…in early June, which did not help at all. They were both clad in suits that screamed "we're detectives, don't bother us". Eames silently cursed, wishing she had taken off her suit jacket in the car. Goren surveyed the scene with his sharp eyes (that never missed any details). He spoke, "Okay, I'm going to give you a boost into the Dumpster and when you have found what we're looking for, I'll help you out."

"What?" –She almost screamed in disbelief.

"I said…"

"No, I heard you, Goren. I mean, I'm so not going in there!"

"Why not?"

"That's garbage! God knows what else is living in there!"

"Oh come on, Eames. When you signed up for this job, you knew there'd be crappy situations. _This_ is one of those times when you just need to get over it."

"Stop sounding like my father. I can't go in there."

"Yes, you _can_. You just _won't_."

"Either way, I'm not going. You're the big macho man…you go play in the garbage."

"You can't push me up there."

"Too damn bad."

"Am I missing something? Is it the time of the month?"

Eames screamed as loud as she could, "Typical guy partner! Just get in the damn Dumpster and you'll make everyone happy back at the office."

"How so?"

"You'll be covered in garbage and the evidence will impress Deakins."

"Fine."

Goren used a few crates to hoist himself into the sticky and smelly receptacle. Eames sighed as she waited. Several minutes later came Goren's voice; "I can't find it. I dropped it and I don't see it."

"Great. I'll help." Eames piled a few more crates and stood near the edge, looking. Eames soon spotted it. "There!"

"Where?"

"There!" She pointed.

"I don't see it."

"It's next to the used condom."

"Where's that?"

"Next to the empty bag of crack."

"And…?"

"Near the bloody sanitary pad, Goren. Right behind you, dumb ass." 

"Watch your language, Eames. They may need to up the rating because of you."

"You're making it seem like we're in a story based on a TV show."

"I thought we were."

"You're crazy, Bobby. Just grab it and go."

"I still can't see it."

"Ugh…right _there_!" She was halfway into the Dumpster from all the leaning and pointing she was doing.

Goren took this as an opportunity. He grabbed her by the arms and pulled her in. Before she could do anything to avoid it, she was face first in garbage. She had also landed on top of the thing they were looking for. "Here it is, damn you."

"Thanks for your reluctant help, partner."

"Shut up."

"Alex, You are so beautiful right now…with the banana peel on your head and your face soaked in garbage water."

"Well…you look very rugged with the candy wrappers and gum in your curls, Bobby."

They both smiled and then sat quiet for a moment. After a few moments, they realized who they were, where they were, and why they were there. Goren climbed carefully out of the Dumpster. He then helped Eames out like a gentleman. They walked back to the SUV, holding hands. 

"We should do this more often." –Goren said when they were both settled in the car.

"Yeah, the old garbage pull is very therapeutic. We should tell Deakins about it…He needs to cool off a little." –Eames replied.

The two laughed as they drove back to One Police Plaza. 

The End (unless I should write more). Please remember to review this!


	2. Diving for Treasure causes a con

Okay…this is another chapter to "Dumpster Diving". At first I wasn't going to write a follow up, but hey, it just happened. And, I know they're out of character…they're on the frickin goofy gas! (And so am I!)

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Dumpster Diving 

By CJSpooks

Chapter 2: Diving for treasure causes a con

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(Where last chapter left off…) Goren and Eames sat in the car outside of One Police Plaza. They weren't really in the mood to report their experience to the Captain. Eames spoke first, "What do you think Bobby? Do you want to make an ass of yourself today? I mean, everyone will think it's a Kodak moment…the two of us walking in covered in garbage."

Goren smiled and replied, "I don't think Deakins will like that very much…even if we bring him the evidence. He'll think we're trying to bring the department image down."

"So? Let's do it just to piss him off!"

"Eames, I don't think it'll be a very good idea."

"Oh come on, break the rules once in a while."

"Fine…but you can lead, my lady."

"Okay partner…let's go."

Eames found a parking spot after five minutes of driving around the block. They then exited the SUV and went to the stairs. They really wanted to use the elevator, but they knew that would just be torture for anyone riding up with them. They climbed up eleven floors to the Major Case Squad office. By then, they were hot, tired, and incredibly smelly. Everyone greeted them with looks of surprise and disgust. Many reached to clamp their noses from the stench and others went to cover their mouths to muffle their uncontrollable laughter. 

Deakins and Carver were talking in the Captain's office. When they heard all the commotion, they saw and smelled the two detectives. Deakins went for his handkerchief to cover his nose. Carver did also. Goren and Eames walked into the office, bringing the unbearable stench with them. As Eames was about to close the door for courtesy, Deakins stopped her. "Let's just leave it open…I've got nothing to hide. I mean, let's just ventilate the proximity." Eames shrugged and took a seat next to Goren in front of Deakin's desk. Deakins was about to start addressing the troublesome detectives when Carver caught his eye. The poor guy looked as if he was going to faint or puke. Deakins nodded to excuse the ADA and Carver ran like hell to the bathroom. Many heard the muffled moans and coughs coming from the bathroom. It was horrible. In Deakin's office, Eames made one of her sly comments; "It seems Mr. Carver couldn't stand the heat or the smell in the kitchen. Looks like he lost his lunch."

Goren smiled and added, "Looks like he lost all of his meals from this week."

The two laughed good heartily but then suddenly stopped short when they realized Deakins wasn't laughing…he was just cooking up a stormy punishment waiting for the two to stop. Goren and Eames looked immediately at their shoes. Goren automatically noticed that his shoes weren't matching. Eames noticed too and started to giggle again.

Deakins kept repeating 'Serenity now!' in his head over and over as he started, "This is no behavior for detectives serving the great city of New York…City. What do you have to say for yourselves?"

Goren looked up and responded, "Sir, with all due respect, when was the last time you went Dumpster diving?"

Deakins looked confused, "Detective Goren, are you feeling all right?"

Goren nodded. "Of course…will you answer my question?"

Deakins sighed, "Okay, I haven't done an old fashioned garbage pull since…I was a rookie detective."

Eames spoke up, "Sir, you should go more often. It's very good to let out feelings."

Deakins contemplated this idea and agreed, "It sounds like fun."

Goren said, "It is. It makes you feel young again."

Deakins liked the sound of that. "Okay. It's settled. I'm going Dumpster diving! Whoo hoo!"

Goren and Eames got up and left the office. They pulled out their evidence and completed the correct paperwork needed. At about seven thirty P.M., the two exited the building sighing at the night cool air. Eames turned to Goren and said quietly, "We got Deakins good. He didn't even yell at us for being covered in garbage."

Goren snorted and said, "Yeah. He's too easy."

Eames looked up at the night sky…no stars, just the big bright moon. "Hey Goren?"

"Yeah?"

"Let's come into work tomorrow as if nothing happened today."

"Okay…Deakins will be confused at our ignorance."

"He'll also be really pissed."

"Oh well. Who cares?"

"Want a ride home?"

"I'd like that."

Goren and Eames walked back to their car where a ticket had been placed on the windshield. Eames and Goren both cursed. "Split the cost?" –Eames asked.

Goren nodded. "Sure why not. Today has been a fun day…a ticket won't spoil it"

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About the same time, Deakins sat in his office finishing up a memo about Dumpster diving when he realized how he was conned. He fell off his chair and screamed, "GOREN! EAMES! I'M SO GOING TO GET YOU TWO!"

The End…ha ha ha ha ha!

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What do you think? It's really retarded, right? Whatever…I have an odd sense of humor. Please review…light and happy reviews help me float up and away. Bad ones burst my bubble!


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